Change Of Life

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It still amazes me how our body goes through constant changes or stages that happen during certain periods of our life.   We can only notice the most obvious things like weight changes or probably our height or more  grays in our hair.  But the wrinkles appear little by little and the drastic changes appear mostly in our 40’s.

I went through a lot of weight changes in my 20’s and 30’s but other important changes came in my 40’s specially the hormonal kind.  I remember that in 1978; I was already 10 years old and was finishing my fifth grade.  I wasn’t oblivious about what it meant to have a first period; I was being raised among females: my mom and two sisters.  My older sister was going through her changes with me as a witness.  So that morning when “the rooster sang” (term used in my family to describe a first period in a young lady) I knew what it was and I just went to my mom to ask her what should I do next.  She provided me with what I needed to have at the moment.  I still remember like it was yesterday; but it was actually 40 years ago.  And time goes by…

Now my new memory is how I expected my monthly visit to come as usual but since last December it hasn’t.  It’s the first time it hasn’t arrived since I got pregnant almost 15 years ago.  So, I have to assume that I’m going through another change.  I did the same thing I did almost 40 years ago: I asked my mom what should I do next.  She provided me with what I needed to know and her own experiences.  I’m so grateful to God that I still have her even if now she is far away from me.  I hope that I can be with my daughter when she goes through all of her own changes.

So I welcome this new change in my life.  The end of a life stage is the beginning of another.  I don’t know where it will lead me but as long as I have God and the right people by my side; everything will be alright.

2017 Is Here

happy-new-year-2017-backgroundJanuary 1st: first day of the year and last day of the Holidays.  I looked upon the window since last night and it was very foggy.  It is still very foggy today at 9 AM.  So I guess what nature is saying is that this New Year will bring a continuation of what was going on in 2016.

Many people wanted 2016 to leave so fast; but I remember when the previous year they wanted 2015 to leave in the same manner so they could receive 2016 with a lot of hope.  They will probably feel the same one year from now.  We all have great wishes for happiness for a new year; but we have to appreciate the good experiences plus the bad ones.

The first months of 2016 were not easy on me.  It was a first half year of lessons, trials and transitions.  I had to make a lot of decisions but thank God,  on the second half of the year I made good ones.  Now I’m happier than when 2015 left and 2016 started.

Let’s appreciate the time we have in this physical plane and grow each day in it.  I pray that this New Year brings for you happiness, joy, health, prosperity, good decisions and much, much love.  God Bless You and your loved ones!

That Sweet Bond

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When I found out about Carrie Fisher’s death yesterday; just like a lot of people out there: I cried.  I felt like someone very close and dear to me had left and I mourned.  But I also thought about her mother Debbie Reynolds.  I knew that she was suffering more than anybody else.

To outlive your child is the worst nightmare for a parent.  So when the news about her demise was announced earlier today; I could understand why she couldn’t stand being away from her beloved daughter.  A mother knows how strong is the bond between herself and her child.  It’s stronger than death itself.  It can be said that she was heartbroken or that she had a condition which she never treated and the stress of the moment just triggered that physical response.

I admire those women who lose kids and keep living on.  I know that their lives are not the same but they are strong willed and keep the memory of their children alive with them.  I don’t know if I could outlive my daughter if she dies before me.  I hope I never do and I pray that nobody else has to go through such horrible experience.

I pray for everybody that has lost a loved one during this past year. We lost our grandmother and one of our dear uncles last October.  May God give peace and strength to all who mourn today.   RIP Carrie Fisher & Debbie Reynolds.

Love is stronger than death…

Merry Christmas

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Wow!  Time is flying so fast, I can’t believe that I made my last post two months ago.  I bet you were thinking I wasn’t going to write on my blog again. Well, I thought I wasn’t gonna write anything either….  But yet, here I am.

During November I worked a lot; my Mom came to visit Anna and me here in Texas. She visited during our birthdays and Thanksgiving.  It was a peaceful time; we ate a lot and rested.  But I also had to take some tests for my teachers certification.  I passed them all, thank God.  He is working with me and in me.

During this Christmas we’ve been waiting for some snow; but no; just like last year it’s been raining a lot.  I hope there are no tornadoes.  But the good thing is that I’m in my Christmas vacation.  School starts on January 2.  I’ve survived one semester and God willing I will continue until the end of the school year.

Well, I wish for you and your loved ones a peaceful Christmas Eve and a wonderful Christmas.  Always remember: Christ is the reason for the season.  God Bless You!

Jesus Is Coming Soon

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Approximately two or three months ago, I had a dream where I saw myself and some members of my family in Washington, D.C.  We were specifically at the White House, inside the Oval Office.  We were having a very intense discussion about the verse in Revelation 4:7 “The first living creature like a lion, the second living creature like an ox, the third living creature with the face of a man, and the fourth living creature like an eagle in flight.”  The President was not in the office; it was just me and my family involved in the discussion.  We were observing the great seal of the United States that was on the floor and comparing it to the fourth living creature of the Revelations’ verse.

I remember how in my dream I kept observing the President’s desk and his chair.  I could observe different folders of top secret documents.  And then I started to bang the desk while the Holy Ghost inspired me to say this message: “United States, the Lord wants you to remember that JESUS IS COMING SOON!” 

After that message, I felt how my body began transform in the blink of an eye and started to elevate to the Heavens.  Then I woke up.  I know that I should’ve wrote this message a long time ago when I had the dream, but being that this week are the elections, I think it is still time to share it.

No matter who will be President: Jesus Christ is still King and yes, He is also coming very soon. So let’s be prepared. Praying and doing what we have to do.  He has the world in His hands.  Have a great week!

Life Goes On

 

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Three weeks ago, I received a call from a dear friend.  We talked about many things that were going on with our lives.  She is like an older sister to me; we’ve been friends since the early 90’s.  She is a woman of great faith and an awesome testimony.  I was telling her that in the last months, I had been having dreams that foretold that my family was going to have a loss.  That means death.  She asked me, how did I know that.  I had been having dreams that I have been losing teeth and that I saw an old flat tire that wouldn’t move no more.  I also remembered seeing my grandmother laying on the floor all battered and hurt.  All those dreams had been bothering me for a while.

Well, two days later after talking to my friend; my uncle Robert died from a heart attack.  He was my mom’s older brother.  It was a very sad loss for my family.  He was a funny man, loved and cherished by all who knew him.  That occurred last week while I was in a Bilingual Convention in Galveston.

We were still recovering from this death when I just received the sad news hours ago that my grandmother passed last night.  Last week she had fallen and broke her arm and hit her head.  Since last weekend she was at the hospital and after Wednesday she closed her eyes and never opened them again.

I know God had been preparing me for these losses; but it still hurts.  I pray for my family and for those who are also going through losses in their lives.  May God give us peace, strength and comfort during these days.  May us never loose faith that He will sustain and hold us no matter what comes to our lives.  He is Faithful. Always.

My Favorite Season: Fall

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I love the color changes of the Fall season. The cooler breeze, the falling leaves, the Thanksgiving Day and of course, it’s also birthday time.  So, the weather people say that the temperature here in Texas will get cooler this next week.  That’s good because the 100’s and 90’s are really getting me tired.

I have a beautiful view whenever I go back and forward from work.  Tyler and Jacksonville are so beautiful; I still can’t get enough of the country life.  It’s so peaceful and quiet.  The Dallas city life wasn’t good for me; but now things have changed for the better.

Let’s be thankful in this new season; I know elections may distract us a little bit.  So let’s pray for the U.S.A.  There’s a lot of people who are praying for this country; I include myself.  Good things are still coming for those who seek His mercy and wait upon His promises.  Even in the times of trials and loss, He will give us peace that passes understanding.  I wish you and your family a wonderful Fall season.

Saturday, August 6

New journey for me

Well, tomorrow is the day that I dreamed about a while ago. I described about that dream in the previous May 22 post titled: “Dreams”. I’ve secretly been waiting for tomorrow.  As a recapitulation: I remember in my dream seeing very clearly on a calendar that August 6 was going to be a Saturday.  And I’m the kind of person who never knows when a particular day will be a Sunday, Tuesday or any day of the week unless I look it up on a calendar.

I wonder if anything good is gonna happen.  I don’t wanna think that anything bad might happen.  I don’t have any particular plans for tomorrow; just study for the Special Education test that I have to take for next week.  I pray that my loved ones will be OK and it turns out to be a peaceful day.

These days have been a little tense because I’m in conversations for a new teaching position.  It involves a move to another county.  It could be stressful, but nothing can be more stressful than moving from one country to another.  Been there; done that.  We’ll be fine.  Thinking about it, it’s actually gonna be exciting to go to a new place.  Meet new people, go to new places.  Let’s see what happens.  All I know is that tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of our lives.  Have a great weekend!

The Perfect Candidate

Trump & Hillary

These days where politics are making headlines toward our next elections; I hear what each political party is offering through their candidates.  I have already made my mind about who I’m gonna vote for but I have to admit that I’m don’t agree completely on what my candidate offers.  I think that Democrats and Republicans are completely opposites in many things and I wish there was a candidate that would have a posture right in the middle of both.  For example; my ideal candidate would:

  • Be more strict with immigration but not in the extreme of exercising mass deporting. I do believe that every citizen has to be legal and that something HAS to be done with the illegal immigration.  But I also believe that we can’t separate families in-distinctively.  I also think that we can’t have Syrians running all around the country because of what has been done in their countries.  Not all Muslims are bad….but who can completely tell who is who?  It’s a matter of national security to let dubious characters who could be terrorists in disguise easy access to our country.  Terrorist attacks are a reality and there are threats done.  We can’t be so trusting.
  • This country needs to help Veterans and the Military but not in the extreme of neglecting the poor or starting wars with other countries.
  • There should be more rigid laws for gun control.  Too many crazy people have easy access to dangerous weapons.  These shoot outs have to stop.
  • I believe in equality but not in gay marriage.  LGBT are people and they deserve to be treated like human beings, they deserve to have jobs, be treated well in hospitals, buy houses and have a decent living but the church can never recognize their union as legal.  Marriage is a sacred union institutionalized by God.  If they want to have legal unions….it shouldn’t be done by a “marriage”; they could use another legal resource for same sex unions like maybe a legal partnership to assure inheritances and stuff like that.  But, two wives or two husbands??  It’s ridiculous. And most importantly, the LGBT people should never force the church to accept their unions as legal because they’re not.  God does not approve gay marriage and neither should the church. It’s anti-biblical. Period.
  • Abortions should only be conditional for medical reasons or rape.  Nothing more.  That’s why contraceptives exist.   If you don’t want to get pregnant there are ways to prevent it.

There are more points that I think that each political party defends or criticizes.  I wish there was an in-between.  But that’s what happens when one party wants to contradict the other.  Then there can’t be in-betweens.  We are in trouble.  May God have mercy!

Happy Father’s Day!

I wish God’s blessings to all fathers out there.  Thanks for all the sacrifices, the time spending, money spending, long conversations, ball games, plays attending, the scolding, the looking out, the laughs, the tears and all between.  You are not just a dad….you are a super dad!!

 

Voice Competition

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I know my voice isn’t what it used to be when I was in my twenties, but I dared myself to enter to a voice competition.  I will really appreciate your votes because the grand prize would be a real blessing for me and my daughter.  So, if you have time and you like me enough: cast your vote for the only contestant from Texas (for now, it seems).  I will really appreciate it.  Down is the link for the competition,  click where it says “View Qualifying Round” and then on the map click where the state of TX is and there you’ll find me.  Thanks!!

https://competition.virdition.com/sing-your-praise/lauriann-cruz

 

Shared Message

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I’m sharing this message that a friend of mine in Facebook posted on his timeline.  It’s exactly my feelings and my thoughts about the horrendous attack in Orlando:

What happened yesterday in Orlando was NOT God’s judgement on the United States nor was it a judgement on the victims’ lives. This was a terrorist and hateful act against human beings by a human being who was twisted by his beliefs.

Were many of them gay? Yes. Was the killer a Muslim of Afghan ascent? Yes, also. But let’s not make this a referendum to legitimize or not gay/lesbian behavior, or to establish if Muslims are good or not. The Bible makes that point very clear: “For all have sinned and are cast away from the Glory of God”.

That’s not the issue here. The issue is the disregard many have for human life. Jesus called it the “hardness of the heart”. Those killed by that young man were people, totally worthy human beings. And were finished by a religious nuts, self-justified by his radicalized beliefs. That’s why NO religion, NONE WHATSOEVER, is worth nothing.

Religious folks: don’t make a field day using the pain of those implicated. Gay activists: don’t make a field day using the pain of those implicated. Let us be sensible and balanced, and let’s have compassion and mercy.

Every murder, be it of one or six and a half million; of gays or straight; of Christians or Muslims, is an inhumane act, is sin, is bad, is to be damned, and is painful. And God, the Father that created them and us, does not want anyone to be lost, but for everyone to proceed to repentance and to come to the glorious knowledge of His Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Let me reiterate that not the Christian religion, nor the Muslim religion, can do anything for anyone. Only Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the Eternal Son of God, the Most High God, can solve the problem of terror, hate and death. How? Everything starts with you. The same hardened heart that drove that kid to kill fifty other human beings can drive you to do the same, or worse.

The Bible says that “the whole world is under the evil one”. How do you break free of the evil one’s influence? Simple: surrender your life to Jesus Christ of Nazareth and trust in Him. Accept Him as the Lord and Savior of your life, and you shall be saved. The solution, ladies and gentlemen, is Jesus Christ of Nazareth, and nothing or nobody else.

Have a great day today, and may we come to the glorious knowledge of God and of His Son, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.”

Joel J. Seda Orona

Nuff said!  That’s why I had to share.  My prayers for the wounded & relatives of all of the victims.

 

Canta

I need to share this experience I had last night.  It was one of those special dreams.  I can’t say how this dream started.  But in my dream, I was talking to God.  I could see like a clear mist surrounding me and I could feel His presence so close as if His arms were embracing me.  But the most wonderful part of this dream was when I heard His voice clear as day speaking to me.

Now before you think that it’s a schizophrenic thing or that I’m hearing voices…etc. just read me out first.  The voice I heard was a sweet low baritone voice.  He spoke perfect Spanish, without any distinctive nationality accent.  You see, God is not a Spaniard, or Cuban, or Mexican or Puertorrican.  He is the Maker of languages, He speaks any language in the way it should be spoken.  It was a perfect pronunciation.

I know that I was speaking to Him (I can’t really remember what I was telling Him first) but I clearly heard Him saying: “Canta“. (Canta is the Spanish word for Sing).  I replied to Him: “How do you want me to sing?”  He answered: “They let you sing, right?”  Meaning that in church it is allowed for anyone to join the praise team.

Now during this exchange of words with Him; I could also feel how He really wanted me to sing for Him; that He enjoyed listening to me praise Him but that there was also a purpose behind this request of his.

I answered: “Yes…”  But still feeling His presence so close to me, I remembered that to sing I need my voice. I haven’t been able to sing for months now. So I added: “Lord, I need you to heal my voice.”

That’s when I saw His hand reaching to my face; with two fingers He opened my mouth and touched the back of my throat.  Then I woke up.  But the wonderful part of this experience was that even while I was awake I could still feel his fingers inside my mouth touching my throat.

This is very far from having schizophrenia.  But you may ask: “Why is she having these experiences?”  The answer lies in Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

Pray to Him; seek Him in the wee hours of the morning.  He is available at 1…2…3 AM.  Those are the best times to reach Him.  He is listening in the silence of the night.  He is always there waiting for you to call.  And He will show you mysteries and you will be able to do wonderful things in the name of Jesus for the growth of His kingdom on Earth.

Dreams

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Have you ever had a dream that comes true?  It has happened to me many times but lately I’ve had two experiences with dreams that I’ve never had before, like finding out that details revealed in my dreams are in fact; true.

The first one was a dream that I had probably like a month ago or so.  I don’t remember well the details.  I just remember seeing in my dream my daughter’s best friend and her mother.  Anna and I were supposedly going with them to the state of Tennessee.  (They own a house in Florida, not Tennessee).

(One of the reasons that this is strange is because the only places I knew about Tennessee were Nashville and Franklin.  Besides that, I didn’t know any other places from that state.)  Well, in my dream we were going to a place called Portland.  In my dream I clearly saw the map of the state and on the Northeast of Nashville I saw where it was located.  When I woke up from the dream, I was curious about the info that I had just received and when I searched on my cell phone if there was a place called Portland, Tennessee: I got goosebumps when I found it and almost exactly located where I saw it on the map of my dreams.  I can assure you that I have never heard in my life about this place before.

Well, last night I went through a very similar experience.  I dreamed that I was talking to a man.  In our conversation, which I can’t remember the details but I can remember telling him that I would probably get him something for his birthday which was going to be on Saturday, August 6.  In my dream I clearly saw the calendar and August 6 was on a Saturday.  (I never know which day of the week is gonna be a certain day of the month unless I look for it.  I haven’t been looking at the August calendar lately if ever at all.  I have no reason why.)  When I woke up from the dream, I didn’t remember immediately the calendar detail, but when I did; I got curious.  I looked upon my cell phone’s calendar and there it was: just as I saw in my dream….August 6 will fall on a Saturday.  That was so weird.

Will I ever visit Portland, Tennessee?  I don’t know.  What’s gonna happen on Saturday August 6?  Let’s just wait and see.  But these kind of experiences sometimes keep me wondering.  Have you ever gone through that experience?  Did anything happen? Well,  enjoy the rest of your weekend and hopefully there will be more mysteries to unfold.

Illustration by Anna Lorraine.

Friday The 13th

Last Friday the 13th happened in November 2015.  It was a sad day.  France was victim of a terrorist act and I lost my job at the school I was working.  It was also my brother’s birthday. (But that’s not a sad thing).

Today is also Friday the 13th and it’s my cousin’s birthday.  And I also lost my job today.  And I’m OK with it; being humiliated constantly by people who have hatred in their heart is not  working in a healthy working environment.  God will pay and He is still my Provider.  It’s a good thing that there hasn’t been any terrorists attacks. (At least, not that I know of…).

I can’t help to think, is it me?  I was respectful, punctual, I was studying my material and I worked alone.  It was understandable to sometimes make mistakes; I had just been learning to do that job for a month.  But hatred is intolerable, unfair, critical, disrespectful, inconsiderate, unmerciful and ruthless.  But just like last time, I put my situation before the Lord.  Last time, He fought for me and He paid for the injustice.  I know He will do it again.  I’ll probably never know; but I rest assured that He will provide for my daughter and me.

And devil….this is for you:  “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return.  The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:20.

 

 

How Was Your Mother’s Day?

 

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This photo was taken this morning at church.  I needed to go to my Father’s house.  These days have been very hard for me.  I’ve been tested again; I guess these are tests that I need to pass to better myself and to learn how to trust the Lord completely.  But God has been helping me.

I think this has been the first Mother’s Day that I’ve spent far away from my mom.  I miss her.  We spoke today through Skype.  I felt homesick but I do know that God wants me here.  I still don’t have a clearly reason why am I going through all these trials.

But this morning when I went to church; just a few seconds after I parked my car, I looked at my windshield and there was this bird looking at me.  I was completely shocked!  Why was it there staring at me? Somehow I knew that God was sending me a message.  You see…God takes care of all the birds.  They are closer to Him than any other animal that I’ve read about.

When I got out of the car and walked through the doors then I remembered this verse from Psalm 91:4 “He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge.”  I thanked Him; God is the only One who can deeply move me like this.

Yes, today was a peaceful day.  I hope yours was also blessed.  Kiss your mom, make her feel special everyday.  Let’s always pray for each other.  Prayer is a powerful thing.  God Bless You.

Worship Or Not?

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When the whole worship era started at churches; I was watching it from a far.  I don’t like to criticize the way people try to get near to God; unless it’s not biblical.  Psalms is the hymnal of the Bible and it describes many ways to worship God.  When I was young, dancing was a huge NO-NO at church.  It was considered a sin; buy yet when people sang at church those fiery  choruses in “salsa” rhythm those same critics couldn’t help moving their bodies side to side at the beat of the music.

So, there were so many contradictions in what they said and what they did; it was confusing but to talk about it was taboo.  The mentality of church goers have changed a lot during these last 30 years some for the good but also for the bad.  Does the Bible condemn dancing as a way of worship?  The answer is no.  Dancing was a way of worship during the Old Testament times.  King David danced to the Lord. There are innumerable verses in the Psalms that include dancing for Him as a way of worship.

Does that mean that all types of dancing can be accepted to worship the Lord?  No, it’s the same with all songs.  Not all songs worship the Lord.  So there are dances that can’t be accepted to worship the Lord.  I have been ministered to tears by dances that transmit a message through their movements.  But unfortunately, not all dances do that; only those that are really clear on their purpose on why are they ministering from the altar.

I do believe that the altar is a sacred place.  People go to the altar to repent; it’s the place where God ministers to His people through His word.  I don’t like it when the altar becomes a stage instead of a place where God reaches out to His people.  We have to be careful of that.  We can’t lose having fear of the presence of the Lord.  The altar is also the place where people can be healed and heard in prayer.  So the people who stand on the altar have to be washed in the blood of Jesus and repentant.  God should be respected, we love Him but always respect that He is Holy and His presence is Holy.

The worship movement has many beautiful songs based on the Bible and that is awesome. But the music should never substitute the reading of the Bible and it should always be inclusive to all members of the church.  I believe that the beginning of the devotionals at church should always include praying and the reading of at least one Psalm.  Plus all active church members should have the opportunity to worship God from the altar not just one worship leader.  Music is a tool to reach people but it’s not the only tool that God uses to minister His church.  Also, music can never substitute the preaching of His word.  The Bible HAS to have it’s rightful place in all service devotionals. Plus there has to be a balance where everybody can participate on the worship of God.

So, I don’t think the new worship is bad as long as God is the only One exalted; not men or women because all of the glory is His….always.

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“Good Morning”Or “God Bless You”

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I recently started to assist to a church near my home.  I like it very much; there are lots of groups to which I could belong to and start working for the Kingdom of God.  There is so much work to do: missions, working with the youth, collective groups, ushers and so much more.  The church-goers are very friendly; but there is something that they do that keeps me wondering why they do it: and it’s the way they greet me.  They say a very effusive: “Good morning”.  I have nothing against saying “Good morning” specially if I’m at work or if I visit any secular place.  To greet with a “Good morning” means you have good manners. But to me, that greeting at church is not enough.

I do answer to anyone whenever I get that “Good morning” but after that, I add: “God Bless You”.  The “Good Morning” greeting should NEVER EVER substitute “God Bless You”.  Both greetings do not mean the same.

“Good Morning” means you are wishing for that person a pleasant beginning of the day.  It’s a limited greeting.  But when you say “God Bless You” you are wishing to the person receiving the greeting: blessings from the Almighty God which include: good health, love, prosperity, happiness, peace among every other gift that God can bestow upon that person plus there is no time frame limit to that greeting.  God can bless that person during that same day plus days, weeks and months after that greeting.

So I will continue to say: “God Bless You” because I want the best for my faith family.  Hopefully it becomes viral and I get the same blessings from everybody else.

Have a great week and God Bless You all!

Voice Requiem

This is a post that I would’ve never wanted to write.  But I have to.  I remember when I was a little girl (about 4 or 5 years old), I used to look through a window in an apartment where we lived in New York.  I remember observing the sunset and I would sing.  I sang songs that I had never heard before; they just came to my mind and I would just sing them.  I liked singing for fun and just when I was inspired.

I don’t know exactly when or who discovered that I could sing; but all I know is that I hated singing for other people.  It made me feel awkward, weird, ashamed and I just didn’t like the attention that other people would give me.  All of them would say that I had a beautiful voice and I believed them but I didn’t like to sing for them because it made me feel like a freak.

Most of my school years I practically never told my school mates that I could sing and the few times that I would carry a tune, a couple of my schoolmates would start telling me to keep on singing.  But I wouldn’t.  I hated the critics and I didn’t want to hear people’s opinion about my voice.

So, I just sang for God.  I was still a teenager when I started singing at church.  I hated making mistakes; but everybody still liked to hear me sing.  I knew I could do it well; but I noticed that my voice would get tired easily.  That’s why I took voice lessons and my voice grew in register and volume. I could sing for long periods of time and my voice wouldn’t get hoarse.  My voice teachers were very happy with me.  I was in my early 20’s and I was classified as a coloratura soprano.  I had a 4 octave register with very a fast and agile vocal range.  Bel canto like Donizetti and Rossini was very easy for me to sing. And I liked it but I still just wanted to sing just for God and not for competitions or anything like that.

Years went by and I did sing for the Lord, not as much as I should’ve.  I could’ve done so much more.  But then sickness came.  And with sickness came coughs.  Lots of coughing.  Coughing can damage the vocal chords very badly.  Teaching to kids and talking loudly and excessively didn’t help my voice.

When I moved to Texas, the allergies started.  I had to get a flu shot for a second time because even with a first flu shot I was still getting sick.  My voice got hoarse because of the effort made by talking so much, then the cough came and six months later; it still hasn’t gone away.  I have tried medicines and all I could find; but now I can’t sing anymore.  I can’t sing, not even for fun.  The voice just won’t come out; only air.  It has been too many months of this continuing allergy.  I hope to go to the doctor when I get my health insurance but I don’t know if I will ever sing like I did when I was younger.

I always wondered how would it feel to be like other people who can’t sing a note.  Now I know; and it’s very frustrating.  It’s more frustrating for me because I can hear the music and have the tones inside my head but I can’t sing them.  My voice is gone and I don’t know if it will ever come back.  I miss my voice and I’m losing my inspiration.  Ironically, when I went to “Harvest America” like three weeks ago, I started singing “Amazing Grace” when Chris Tomlin took the stage.  The lady beside me told me that I had a beautiful voice.  I thanked her but then I was sad. I don’t know what she heard but  the worst thing that could happen to a singer is to lose his/her voice.  Then, we can no longer be classified as singers.

Goodbye my voice and I hope you come back soon…also remember to bring back with you my inspiration.